I know the horse has been dead for years now, but I’m taking a wack at it any way. Why the fuck can’t people lucky enough to see weird recordable phenomena keep that fucking phenomena fully in-frame? I swear there’s some universal constant at work here.

I can’t back this up with stats because of laziness and recency bias, but he starts EVERY FUCKING SEASON SLOW. Remember his weird bat-leaning thing in the spring? He gets in his own head, completely forgets how to hit for a while, and then after the all star break remembers how to hit again. Every got dang year.

Votto is my favorite player, and while he rarely gets on deadspin, I believe each of those 3-4 articles is amazing.

I recognized everyone on the “let’s remember some Ravens” list. I want the universe to pay for that. I fucking hate the Ravens.

the photo shows a lion getting a CAT scan

So...does England have less gravity? Do English basketball players play on 12 foot rims and then just suck total fucking ass everywhere else in the world? Did they drop the Duke and Duchess from a second floor balcony?

That rug is DEFINITELY blue and black.

“all lives matter,” a favored political rallying cry of bigots and disingenuous cretins

I’m sure if the shirts said All Lives Matter they would have stuck around.

The national narrative is absolutely insane and warped right now.

Damn, you just wrecked those strawmen, holy shit.

Why are adults playing a pokemon game?

Those are the facts.

And you’re also going to update us with an illegal torrent link for those of us who wouldn’t have bothered to buy the book anyway, but will now allow you to reach a greater audience that will increase your profits right? Get with the times man. I premptively accept my nuclear gawker ban for speaking truth to power.

I do.

I’ve hated Wade his whole career (his team plays mine and usually wins, and for his hit on Darren Collison) until this article. A whole lot of it is about how he gave up millions both for the sake of loyalty and to help build a competitive team, things that I always root for my own team’s players to do. Winning is…

Saw this phrase below:

That shockwave as the funny car takes off at 10:33 though. Jesus. If given the chance to strap into one of those and drive it, I’d need a customized harness to accomodate my erection.

That’s good to know, because I didn’t.

I find that a large supply of duct tape comes in very handy as well. You can tape a kid to almost any wall, and some ceilings.