Important Question Only Groupthink Can Answer
Am I the only person who can’t keep Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daily straight? Are they the same person? I am pretty sure they’re both just robots or something who were on TRL, right?
Any of Yinz Bitches Been to a Stella and Dot Party?
What are they like? Will I want things? I am confused. !!!!! DO NOT MAINPAGE!!!!
If I Were Oprah
I would hide things under chairs in my house. Then whenever I had guests I'd be like, " If you look under your chair, you're going home with A BRAND NEW MITER SAW!!!!" but sometimes it'd be good stuff and sometimes it'd be shitty stuff and sometimes it'd be sticky bubblegum. K talk to you guys later. You are all free…
Good News! We Don't Live in a Male Dominated Society Anymore!
Bad news: My head has exploded!!
Mexican Grocery Help!
So there's an excellent Mexican Grocery store a mile from us where we do a lot of our shopping, and I am so intrigued by a lot of the food that I see there. Today I looked at, for the 80th time, this bundle in the produce section that consisted of (and I may forget something): a quarter head of cabbage, a tomato, a…
Can I Just Say I am So Glad
That we grow past the phase of putting anything that is in our hands directly into our mouths. That would be effing terrible.
My Mom Thinks I Made Up Emoticons... And That They're Not Very Good
(Scene: My mother's formal living room, where we are all lounging after eating our weights at a Fish Fry. My husband is dozing off and Mama, Carlos is tinkering on her phone while I try to get Baby, Carlos to nap)
"Who's the Guy Who Was on Seinfeld? What's His Name?"
Jerry Seinfeld?
New Superpower Request
You know how people ask what superpower you would choose if you could? In the middle of the night last night, as I nursed my little baby* yet again, I decided I would like the power to get by with no sleep. I'm one of those people who needs 9+, and right now I am just struggling. But as Nocturna (that's my superhero…
ATTN: I Thought Mayim Bialik was Malin Akerman
All this time! Like, every time I read about her being so anti-vaxxy or some of the other views she has, I thought she was that chick from 27 Dresses. My brain is melting.
Bra Question for People Who Have Had Babies
Should I just get rid of all of my old bras? I have about 9,000 of them, they're taking up a ton of space, they're cuter than all my nursing stuff and kind of depress me, and I have the feeling I will never be a 34 C again (currently a 36 E). But I don't want to have to buy all new bras when I'm done breastfeeding. Be…
Woman Loving vs. Man Hating
I have always been the former, but lately I feel like I've been becoming the latter. I find myself thinking "Fucking MEN" in instances that really don't call for it (ie. the NYTimes article about the government farm research center had me shaking my head and man-hating the entire time). I don't know what it is about…
What Do You Do
When you're still trying to get over being sick and having a plugged milk duct, your husband is just getting what you had (minus the duct) and feels terrible, and you have a 3 month-old high-maintenance baby? Because I'm trying to figure it out.
Look, I like Ed Sheeran.
And I'm not ashamed. And I'm sad that I wasn't a teen now that he's popular rather than dumbo-dildo-douche John Mayer (who I know is more talented, etc. whatever). That "Thinking Out Loud" song is reminiscent of some Van Morrison and I like it. There, I said it.
IMPORTANT: Cold Duck Got a Makeover!!
Cold Duck used to look like this:
Haircut Anxiety
Why the hell is getting a haircut so stressful? Also, why when I google "curly haircuts" is it 90% images of Beyonce that come up? If I could take a picture in and just say "Make me look like Beyonce" I would, okay internet? Sheesh.
Please Help Me Dress Myself !!
I am terrible at dressing up for semi-formal occasions. I mean, I manage to pull it together eventually, but it's after a ton of effort and I always feel like a fucking Cathy cartoon.
Da Fuq (tw: dead birds, chimneys, winterizing)
We have an energy auditor here today (long story but very interesting, features POTENTIAL FREE MONEY) and he found a bunch of Dead Fucking Birds in our one chimney. Like, the CUSP of our dining room. Like, there is a FUCKING WING dangling out, WHAT THE FUCK. So, I mean, we're going to have to solve that problem. And…