Am I the only person who can’t keep Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daily straight? Are they the same person? I am pretty sure they’re both just robots or something who were on TRL, right?
What are they like? Will I want things? I am confused. !!!!! DO NOT MAINPAGE!!!!
I would hide things under chairs in my house. Then whenever I had guests I'd be like, " If you look under your chair, you're going home with A BRAND NEW MITER SAW!!!!" but sometimes it'd be good stuff and sometimes it'd be shitty stuff and sometimes it'd be sticky bubblegum. K talk to you guys later. You are all free…
Bad news: My head has exploded!!
So there's an excellent Mexican Grocery store a mile from us where we do a lot of our shopping, and I am so intrigued by a lot of the food that I see there. Today I looked at, for the 80th time, this bundle in the produce section that consisted of (and I may forget something): a quarter head of cabbage, a tomato, a…
That we grow past the phase of putting anything that is in our hands directly into our mouths. That would be effing terrible.
(Scene: My mother's formal living room, where we are all lounging after eating our weights at a Fish Fry. My husband is dozing off and Mama, Carlos is tinkering on her phone while I try to get Baby, Carlos to nap)
You know how people ask what superpower you would choose if you could? In the middle of the night last night, as I nursed my little baby* yet again, I decided I would like the power to get by with no sleep. I'm one of those people who needs 9+, and right now I am just struggling. But as Nocturna (that's my superhero…
All this time! Like, every time I read about her being so anti-vaxxy or some of the other views she has, I thought she was that chick from 27 Dresses. My brain is melting.
Should I just get rid of all of my old bras? I have about 9,000 of them, they're taking up a ton of space, they're cuter than all my nursing stuff and kind of depress me, and I have the feeling I will never be a 34 C again (currently a 36 E). But I don't want to have to buy all new bras when I'm done breastfeeding. Be…
I have always been the former, but lately I feel like I've been becoming the latter. I find myself thinking "Fucking MEN" in instances that really don't call for it (ie. the NYTimes article about the government farm research center had me shaking my head and man-hating the entire time). I don't know what it is about…
When you're still trying to get over being sick and having a plugged milk duct, your husband is just getting what you had (minus the duct) and feels terrible, and you have a 3 month-old high-maintenance baby? Because I'm trying to figure it out.
And I'm not ashamed. And I'm sad that I wasn't a teen now that he's popular rather than dumbo-dildo-douche John Mayer (who I know is more talented, etc. whatever). That "Thinking Out Loud" song is reminiscent of some Van Morrison and I like it. There, I said it.
Cold Duck used to look like this:
Why the hell is getting a haircut so stressful? Also, why when I google "curly haircuts" is it 90% images of Beyonce that come up? If I could take a picture in and just say "Make me look like Beyonce" I would, okay internet? Sheesh.
I am terrible at dressing up for semi-formal occasions. I mean, I manage to pull it together eventually, but it's after a ton of effort and I always feel like a fucking Cathy cartoon.
We have an energy auditor here today (long story but very interesting, features POTENTIAL FREE MONEY) and he found a bunch of Dead Fucking Birds in our one chimney. Like, the CUSP of our dining room. Like, there is a FUCKING WING dangling out, WHAT THE FUCK. So, I mean, we're going to have to solve that problem. And…