What Humphreys didn't know is that Steven Seagal actually worked as a clerk in Swansea before becoming a New Orleans cop, so he should definitely count his blessings.

If there's grass on the field, play ball. And if there isn't, still play.

Jack's girlfriend, Pat Herhatchetwound, is beside herself with shame.

Food item that could also describe my quarterback.

This marks a big turnaround for Japan, as it was 60% under the Pacific back in March.

Not surprisingly, the guy in the Joe Montana jersey had a very high completion percentage.

bitches claim that I'm cold — brain freeze

seven-minute rants on five-second occurrences

York was actually doing air quotes around "regular season ticket holders" and then whispered to the reporter "You know...white people."

Ground-bound Jet was the title of Dennis Byrd's autobiography.

If the shooter was like Alex Smith, he needed to fire 16 bullets to connect 4 times.

Big deal.

Big deal.

Big deal.

Big deal.

When asked for ID, the man pulled out a tiny penis and said "this should do".

Ball Bounces Off Glove, Then His Head, Then He Catches It.

Says Quinn: "It feels great to have someone behind me again."

You mean those guys weren't comedians? I thought they were hilarious.

Phil Mickelson is still awaiting his Juggs sponsorship.