Brangelina! Brangelina! Brangelina!
Simon Cowell can't escape the coif, Bai Ling has a hungry pussy, Mel Gibson throws sticks and stones, and the Brangelina+Gosselin vortex will sink us all.
Get Ready for Obama Day
This November 3rd, sheeple everywhere will mark the one year anniversary of Barack Obama's election. Glenn Beck will probably cry copious tears.
Things to Do in South Carolina
S.C. State Attorney lunches at cemetery. Takes stripper, sex toys and Viagra "just in case."
Dr. No Terrorizes Senate
Meet the Holy Terror of the U.S. Senate, the pork-hating, rape-okay, Friend of Barry, science critic we know and love called Tom Coburn. Here are five things you need to know:
Unintended Consequences of the Blackface Trend
Master criminals take their cues from Vogue, Tyra Banks and Harry Connick Jr-serenading Australians.
Nobody Loves Weepy VP Joe
Once, Joe Biden rode the train, saying hilarious things at inappropriate times and everybody loved him so much, he ran for President. Now he's the Vice President of the United States and everybody hates him.
Philly Cops Keep Close Watch on the Morals of Phillies Fans
Susan Finkelstein, a "gorgeous, tall, buxom blonde diehard Phillies fan", really, really wants to see the World Series. Is that a crime?
Cleaning Lady Hints at Plastic Diet
Mary Crowley loves to sail. But a few years ago, she discovered a problem. A problem fondly called The Great Garbage Patch.
Did Warren Buffett's Philanthropy Cost His Kids?
Considering their billion dollar charitable trusts, the answer points to "No."
NYC Evildoers Still Falling for FBI's Hezbollah Trick
Chicago thinks it's so fancy with its cartoon-hating Youtube terrorists. Pfft. New Yorkers don't have time for penny ante stuff like that. Nothing less than providing arms to Hezbollah will do for us!
Lights Go Out on Nobu Boss
Taylor Lautner is a lucky werewolf, K-Hud & A-Rod at it like bunnies, Alicia Silverstone puts Craig Ferguson's lights out, Real Housewives torture their children, and Shakira's hips want to lie down and push a baby out. So much gossip!
Cleaner, Better NYC Only Fit for Tourists
Lisa van Dusen has been coming to New York City for a great many years and she did not care for its baseball bat-wielding desk clerks, cerulean shag carpeting and gag-inducing transport.
Joe Lieberman Would Like Some Attention Please
Joe Lieberman knows the public option is a one way ticket to hell and will fight it to the death! Well, not really, but Ken Layne can always fantasize.
At Last! Obama Girls Finally Vaccinated
So now you know it's safe to do the same for your kids. Although there is no video footage of this suspicious event, so proceed at your own risk!
Andrew Sullivan Is Incensed
Well, that happens once every hour or so. But this time he's angry at Anita Dunn, the mean White House Communications Director who hates Glenn Beck and loves Chairman Mao.
Christopher Walken Taps Into Your Primitive Urges
Angelina Jolie as a scary Lolita, Michael Jackson is Elizabeth Taylor's new favorite prophet and Christopher Walken does terrible things to a chicken. Gossip is served!