This is some excellent, mouth-watering Kinja.

You deserve everything bad if you park in handicap spots and aren’t handicap

Sorry, I’m going to continue stacking plates wherever there’s too much plate and too little table.

Rockets historically don’t perform well when confronted with a Challenger.

Yes, indeed, LeBron James probably will die one day.

Several schools have reportedly turned down a similar donation from another NBA great as they’re reluctant to open the JR Smith Basketball Facility for Hot Women.

The next video I want to see of him would be his sterilization procedure. He should not be allowed to reproduce.

You live in a remorseless, unapologetic oligarchy where there is a big club and you’re not in it. Got it?

Yes, that just blew my mind.

Can someone with more knowledge than me tell me how a “pay to stay” jail is remotely constitutional? The fact that it is ethically appalling I get, but how is it legal?

Lauren, send some Deadspin staffers to do some investigative journalism. Pull the fire alarm and see if he makes it out on foot.

Such lazy journalism. Open up the TB12 Nutrition Manual and you’ll quickly learn that Guerrero doesn’t have beef with anyone. Brady is vegan most of the year, and when he’s not, he’s notorious for only eating lean meat. C’mon, man. Do some research before you publish a blog.

You should be seeing stars for this comment.

Alabama shows it has a tiny amount of basic human decency left by not electing a child molester to the Sentate by the thinnest of margins.

Man the pain must have been so bad he couldn’t bear it. Get it? It’s because- *is hit by a bus*

I love weed.

That is truly awesome. Good for him, and good for her, too.

This is the first outright negative review I’ve seen for this movie, and it kind of reads as though the reviewer is just holding a grudge against James Franco. So ... I’m still gonna go see it.

Mmmmmmmmhmmmmm.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP READING. LET THAT BE THE ONLY THING YOU TAKE FROM THIS ARTICLE.